Watching the Chinese Dating Show 《非诚无扰》- “You Are the One”

Qian and I are watching a lot of\ the Chinese dating show 《非诚无扰》－"You Are The One." Here is the premise of the show from hellonanjing.net (h/t sinosplice.com):

The basic concept of the show is that 24 girls will stand in a line, each atop a podium with a light hanging over their head. Facing them is one boy, who will at first secretly choose one of the girls to be his date. Then, he reveals some basic information about himself, after which each of the girls will decide whether he is ‘date-worthy’ or not.

If a girl doesn’t like him, she will turn the light above her head off. If all 24 lights go off, the boy loses. If some lights remain on after the boy’s introduction, the boy may choose two or three of the girls for ‘future communication’. He also has the option in this case to choose a girl who turned her light off.

Finally, with three girls left, the boy will ask another round of questions, after which he will make his final choice. If the girl accepts, they may walk towards each other, join hands, and head off into the sunset for a future date and possible romance.

This show is enjoyable for me on many levels.

First, it's great for me to watch Chinese TV for language practice. Qian and I speak Chinese a bit, I speak with her family a bit on Skype, and I'll chat with Chinese friends on Skype some, but I'm really not doing anything to better my spoken Chinese or listening living in the US. I don't want to lose what I have and feel like engaging with Chinese shows - especially one that uses simple language - is very helpful.

Second, I like to see the reactions the 24 women on the show have to each male contestant/potential date that the producers roll out on stage.


Some of the ladies looking for love

《非诚无扰》is essentially a public trial of the guy standing in front of the twenty four women. The viewer gets hardly any information about any of the women who've come to the show looking for love. At most, each one will get in a few sentences and answer a question or two.

The man, on the other hand, is needled incessantly by the women and the hosts. Any physical shortcoming or personality deficiency that comes to the surface during the interview is investigated thoroughly. The guys, understandably, squirm at times. It can be pretty awkward. It's a good awkward, though; reality TV at its best.

And third, I like to think that I can glean some sociological information about what Chinese women are looking for in potential boyfriends/husbands.


The host (who is quite good) with a contestant who's choosing the girl he thinks is hottest after giving them a once over

The women on the show are very blunt. This man is too short. His clothes are shabby or out-of-fashion. He seems weird.

I've talked before on my blog about the difficulties facing twenty something year old men in China. For most urban-dwelling young bachelors to be deemed marry-able, they have to own an apartment, have a stable job, own a car, and come from a respectable family/city/region of the country (being from Henan Province is a disqualifier for many girls' parents).

I find this criteria fascinating. Especially when taking into account the general male/female ratio problems that China faces. Those ratios aren't that out-of-whack at this point in 2011. They'll be much worse when the children in China now start dating in the next fifteen to twenty years. But it's still tough for young men today. I met plenty of guys while I was in China who felt they had no prospects for ever finding a girlfriend or wife.

I don't want to get too carried away with reading into the show, though. I'm not going to try to say that 《非诚无扰》should be studied in graduate school courses or anything. It is, in the end, still a trash dating game show.

But if you understand Chinese and have some free time on your hands, I recommend checking《非诚无扰》out (here's a link to some episodes on tudou.com). It's a fun time.

Watching Another Chinese TV Show - 《媳妇的美好时代》 "A Beautiful Daughter-in-Law Era"

In April, Qian and I devoured the Chinese TV show 《蜗居》- or, in English, "Dwelling Narrowness." I wrote about our experience a few weeks ago. We got through 35 episodes in just a couple weeks. Getting into a Chinese show like that was a great experience.

After finishing "Dwelling Narrowness," Qian and I were set to take on a new show. I'd heard about "Dwelling Narrowness" from my old Chinese teacher, Teacher Ma. Along with recommending "Dwelling Narrowness" to me, she also recommended the show - 《媳妇的美好时代》. Here's what she wrote:

现在比较流行的电视是《媳妇的美好时代》，我打算最近看，所以还不太了解，但是很多人都在讨论。

She's basically saying here that this new show - 《媳妇的美好时代》- is getting a lot of buzz in China right now. She hasn't watched it but is planning on doing so.

Qian and I decided to go with Teacher Ma's suggestion and began watching 《媳妇的美好时代》after finishing "Dwelling Narrowness" a few weeks ago.



As you can see from this cheesy poster, this program also has a very Chinglish/stupid English name - "A Beautiful Daughter-in-Law Era" - much like "Dwelling Narrowness" did.

"A Beautiful Daughter-in-Law Era" is about a young couple and their young marriage. There are many characters, but most of the story lines revolve around the young groom - 余味 (Yu Wei)- and young bride (and namesake of the show) - 毛豆豆 (Mao Doudou). Almost the entire show is about the young couple and how they relate with each side's family.


Yes, if you're wondering, 毛豆豆 is 海藻 海平 from 蜗居

There are a few wrinkles about Yu Wei and Mao Doudou's families that color the show.

Yu Wei's parents were divorced years ago. The wealthy dad left his neurotic wife years ago and has a young, beautiful wife now. So on top of all the pressures that are inherent in any Chinese marriage, Yu Wei and Mao Doudou have to deal with three sets of "parents." In addition to that, Yu Wei's younger sister - 余好 (Yu Hao) - is dealing with the death of her husband. He died just a few days after their wedding. She is a mess, even a couple years after the death.

Mao Doudou's family is a bit more "normal." Her parents are awesome. Her dad, in particular, is a truly special father-figure. The real thorn in Mao Doudou's side is her younger brother - 毛峰 (Mao Feng). Mao Feng is a magician/playboy/idiot (think a slightly smoother version of Gob Bluth) who consistently does idiotic things to his family and the women in his life.

That's the plot in a couple paragraphs. The show is in Beijing and it takes place in the present day.

I'll try to highlight a few of the things in "A Beautiful Daughter-in-Law Era" that I found particularly interesting:

1. The show tackled the tricky issue of divorce in China.

As I mentioned above, Yu Wei's parents are divorced. The show did a nice job of showing the heart ache and complexity that goes with a divorce in China. The things that everyone in the show had to endure because of the split up was painful.

The divorce rate of Chinese couples is rising rapidly. The rate is still relatively low compared to much of the world though. And China's is especially low compared to America's ridiculous rate - around 50%. Divorces are more common in China than they were in the past though.

There is strong cultural pressure on Chinese couples, and particularly women, not to get divorced. Looking at rising divorce rates, that cultural pressure is easing.

While it's easy to say that a rising divorce rate is a shame and there is something seriously wrong with China, I don't see a rising divorce rate as necessarily a bad thing. If a Chinese guy has an 二奶 (mistress) these days, there is actually a threat she will leave the guy! And aside from infidelity, the option to end a failed marriage can be a good thing.

Divorce is horrible. Thankfully my parents are still together. Qian and I, of course, are hoping that we'll be with each other for the rest of our lives. But in some cases, divorce the lesser of two evils when compared with an abusive, hate-filled, or loveless marriage.

2. The show touched on attitudes towards nursing homes in China.

I don't think I'm stepping out on a limb by saying that family is more important in China than it is in America. This is especially true amongst grown ups dealing with their parents. The concept of nursing homes are foreign to many Chinese and middle-aged adults living with their parents is normal in China. That is far from the case in the United States.

There is a scene where Mao Doudou, a nurse, suggests to Yu Wei's mother that she think about moving out of their apartment and into a nursing home. The shock, pain, and horror in her face after Mao Doudou's suggestion is hard to watch. Simply floating the idea was a non-starter and caused Mao Doudou significant problems with her mother-in-law.

3. Marriage between city people and migrants can be difficult.

There is a marriage in the show between a man from the city and a women from the countryside. The kind of "inter-marriage" is portrayed in some detail.

At first, the young woman from the countryside was made to look stupid. She was very quiet and appeared clueless about a lot of the basic things of city life. But as the show went on, the viewer saw that the girl wasn't stupid at all. I would go so far to say that she was, as the Chinese often say, "tricky."

One of the funnier scenes in the show was when the country-girl city-boy go to their hotel room after their wedding. The man has one thing on his mind. The woman wants to play around and not, uh, consummate the marriage quite yet. She gets out her camera phone, starts taking pictures and videos of her man, and then logs on to a computer to post the photos and videos to her blog.

The guy can't believe it. Over and over, he says: "YOU have a blog?!! A blog?!!" He can't get over that someone from the countryside would have a blog.

By the end of the show, it's obvious that the woman from the countryside is the rock of their relationship and the spoiled city boy is the clueless one.

4. Many young men don't take marriage seriously and have mistresses.

This show, like "Dwelling Narrowness" has extra-marital affairs as a central theme. I said it when talking about "Dwelling Narrowness," but I'll repeat it again: from the limited time I spent in China and the finite knowledge I have of Chinese culture, infidelity amongst men seems to be more rampant in China than in the US. This might be off-base and I may be reading too much into a few people I met/knew in China and the TV shows (soap operas, really) I'm watching now, but I've seen a lot of cheating going on from Chinese guys.

5. Shady investments/finances can tear families apart.

One of the more interesting stories of the show is an investment-gone-wrong. One of the characters hears of an opportunity to buy a section of a forest that will soon be developed. I won't get into the details, but a lot of people get burned and families are nearly ripped apart.

So many people in China are getting rich and the ones not getting rich are seeing lots of others around them striking it big. This desire to get in on "special opportunities" and make it big can lead to bad investments and scam artists.

That's about all I have on my observations.

Overall, I enjoyed, "A Beautiful Daughter-in-Law Era," but it was a struggle at times. It was not as good as "Dwelling Narrowness." It's not nearly as edgy or cool or as, I think, realistic.

In fact, there were times where Qian and I nearly stopped watching it. Qian really had real problems about halfway through the show. She repeatedly said she couldn't bear it anymore. There were certain characters - Yu Wei's mother and Mao Feng - she could not stand. I insisted that we keep watching though. Qian kept with it.

I wasn't enthralled with "A Beautiful Daughter-in-Law Era" in the way I was with "Dwelling Narrowness." But I felt it was worth watching, if for nothing else the language practice. By the end of the show (36 episodes), Qian and I generally liked it and were both glad we'd finished it.

I'm not sure what effect watching Chinese shows is having on my Chinese. Qian and I are speaking Chinese more, but still not tons. I've spoken with her family a little bit recently. I haven't really had a whole lot of practice besides that, unfortunately. We don't have people in Kansas City that we speak Chinese with and it's hard, with everything going on in my life, to keep up with people back in China.

Even if watching Chinese shows isn't helping my language out tons, it can't be hurting it. Even if I'm not getting everything just hearing the language spoken and seeing the characters flash up on the screen is good for me. For what it's worth, I understood a lot more of "A Beautiful Daughter-in-Law Era" than "Dwelling Narrowness." That might be because the language is simpler and there is less going on than "Dwelling Narrowness" as opposed to my language improving. But regardless, it feels great watching long stretches of the show without asking Qian any questions. I just hope that I don't get too used to subtitles while trying to comprehend Chinese!

Qian and I have started a new show - 手机 ("Cell Phone"). It is the number one most downloaded show on sohu.com. Qian says that it is the TV show of a movie that came out a couple years ago. She liked the movie a lot and we are both liking the show so far. The language is a lot harder for me though.

We're moving a bit slower through "Cell Phone" than we did "Dwelling Narrowness" and "A Beautiful Daughter-in-Law Era." That is probably a good thing.

Although we're not finished with "Cell Phone," I've already found the next Chinese show I want to watch. Here is the YouTube clip preview of it, from danwei.org. I should warn you that this isn't "work safe:"



Yeah... can't wait to watch that one!!

Watching the Chinese Soap Opera -《蜗居》"Dwelling Narrowness"

I lamented to my old Chinese teacher, 马老师 (Teacher Ma), that I haven't been keeping up with my Chinese study very well in an email a couple weeks ago. With my relatively new job and, of course, not living in China, I've been afraid that whatever Chinese language skills I have are slipping.

She responded with the following:

我刚才一直想你现在应该怎么学习汉语。

我觉得现在你在工作，所以没有那么多时间系统地学习汉语，所以以前学习的办法现在不能用了。

你说你对中国文化还很感兴趣，我就想，你可以从电视里学习汉语，你和你老婆一起看，不明白的地方她可以马上告诉你，而且你可以 了解一些深一点的文化，比如，有的句子虽然很简单，但是很“有名”。而且，你陪她一起看中国的电视，我觉得这样可以让她不那么想家。

去年很流行的电视是《蜗居》讲的是年轻人的爱情，影响特别大，大家一直在讨论这个电视。

Basically, she's telling me that my old methods of studying Chinese (flashcards, 1-on-1 classes, chit-chatting with people I meet, etc.) aren't going to work in America. She suggests that I watch Chinese TV both for language practice as well as understanding Chinese culture better. She recommends that I watch the shows with my wife, Qian, since she'll be able to help me any places that I get tripped up with the language.

Teacher Ma specifically suggests watching a show called《蜗居》- "Wo Ju," which has been horribly translated to "Dwelling Narrowness" by the shows producers (Qian tells me that "Wo Ju" literally means something like "a snail's home." From what I've read, it loosely means "humble abode."). Teacher Ma says that "Wo Ju" is having a big impact in China and that everybody is talking about it.

Teacher Ma's recommendation piqued my interest. And then about a day after I read this email, I read the following post on Ben Ross' blog:

After finishing Fen Dou and taking a short break from Chinese television shows, I am now 11 episodes into a new series, Wo Ju (蜗居). Broadcast in 2009, Wo Ju has been the most popular and controversial series to come from Mainland China in some time. Due to its controversial subject matter, Beijing TV pulled the plug on Wu Ju ten episodes in, and Shanghai moved it from prime time to a late night time slot. Many people (myself included) have thus taken to the Chinese Internets to watch the series in its entirety.

That whole part about controversy and having the plug pulled, it got me real excited about watching "Wo Ju." Qian and I started watching episode 1 on Sunday, April 18th. We just finished episode 31 of 35 this evening, Thursday, April 29th. Yeah... we're addicted.

Qian and I are, obviously, really enjoying the show.

I have to have a disclaimer here. My Chinese is not fluent. I'm getting about 1/3 to 1/2 of the dialog in the show. The stuff I don't understand, Qian is summarizing. Is this ideal? No. Am I catching every detail of what is going on? No. Am I using Qian as a crutch? Probably. Am I getting what is going on in the show? I think I am.

Watching soap operas are a tried and true method of learning a foreign language. They're not rocket science. I remember in Spanish III class in high school watching the soap opera, "Destinos." Just looking "Destinos" up on Wikipedia, I hadn't realized that Destinos was actually created just for people learning Spanish. "Wo Ju" was not created for people learning Chinese and there are parts of the dialog that I just don't get. But the basic story line, like all soap operas, is pretty simple. And I'm getting a lot out of the show despite any language problems I'm having.

Ben did a great job of summarizing the plot of Wo Ju in this post. I'll give my own brief synopsis of the plot here:

The story revolves around two sisters from a small city in China who have moved to the made up city of 江州 (Jiangzhou). Jiangzhou is, for all intents and purposes, Shanghai. The older sister (Hai Ping) is married to a decent man. The younger sister (Hai Zao) has a very nice boyfriend.

Both have their share of problems though.

Hai Ping is OBSESSED with buying a nice condo so that she can bring her young daughter, who is currently living with Hai Ping's parents in her hometown, to Jiangzhou. Hai Zao has a nice job (both sisters have white-collar jobs and graduated from good universities) and a caring boyfriend. But she is not very mature and makes several whimsical decisions throughout the show.

That is very short, but will do for now (just go read Ben's link, it'll help you figure out the main characters).

I've been shocked at how racy the show has been. There have been sex scenes (no nudity) that wouldn't make network TV in America, corruption amongst government officials is rampant, and the exploration of the housing bubble and property rights is a big part of the story-line.

I'd like to expound upon some of the major themes of the show that I've noticed:

1. Housing prices are out of control and condo ownership is a fleeting dream for many.

As I mentioned above, the two sisters in the show are well-educated and have decent jobs and the men in their lives are the same. They are not poor. But at the same time, buying a satisfactory condo in Jiangzhou is impossible.

One of my favorite scenes in the show is in episode six when Hai Ping and her husband go look to buy a condo. They begin by looking at a very modest, second-hand places. They can't believe the prices people are bidding though. Hai Ping is so disgusted that she is convinced that the other people touring the condos with her are friends with the seller and are only there to drive up the price.

Frustrated, they go to a much nicer block of new apartments that haven't been built yet, but that are for sale. They go to a real estate office with a large diorama of future high-rise condos and try to bid on one of those in-the-future-to-be-built condos. They have no chance though. The condos are going for prices that Hai Ping and her husband cannot afford. In fact, they are not even close to being able to afford anything "suitable."

Hai Ping is so frustrated at this time. She is living in a very shabby and dank one room apartment with her husband. It is not big enough for their daughter to live with them. Because they cannot buy a condo, they cannot live with their daughter. Hai Ping is heart-broken.

I've written about housing prices in China a lot on this blog. Just a couple months ago, new Shanghai condos were up 68% in over the previous year! That is insanity. And such craziness is affecting normal people a great deal.

2. Related to point 1 on the housing bubble, the residents of apartments that are being torn down to make way for new condo complexes are not properly compensated.

This point is shown in the show by the neighbors of Hai Ping in their dingy one bedroom apartment. The apartment block where Hai Ping lives is in a prime location for juicy new condos to go up. Although Hai Ping wants to move out of the apartment, not everyone there does.

The resistance to moving is most outwardly personified in a lovely, little old grandma. She has NO interest in moving out of the apartment where she lives. She is smart enough to know that the compensation she'll receive from the government/developers for her apartment being torn down will go nowhere in the heated up real estate market of Jiangzhou. On top of that, she simply doesn't want to move.

This section of the show goes hand in hand with a book I just read. Wild Grass by Ian Johnson (a book I highly recommend) tells three stories of people taking on the system in contemporary China. One of the stories he describes is centered around the destruction of hutongs in old Beijing.

"Wo Ju" portrays the government and the developers in urban China in the same way that Johnson did in his book. The government officials and developers building up these complexes are only in it for the money and they're all making a killing off of it. While the people in their wake are simply out of luck.

3. Moving from the countryside or small cities of China to big cities such as Shanghai can split families apart.

Hai Ping does not live with her toddler daughter. In fact, she's never lived with her. Since her daughter was born, she has lived with her grandma and grandpa (Hai Ping's parents).

There is a very sad scene where Hai Ping and her husband are back in her home city visiting her parents during the Spring Festival. Hai Ping has been looking forward to seeing her daughter for months. Her daughter doesn't even recognize her mother. She cries as soon as Hai Ping holds her and demands to see her grandma.

Hai Ping has chosen making it in the big city over being a mother to her daughter.

4. Although living in the big Chinese city provides new opportunities, life there is no cake walk.

This theme doesn't only apply to China, of course. I wrote a screed on this topic several months ago. Getting rich and having nice things ≠ happiness. More and more, "making it" sucks everything out of the people trying to live a more prosperous life.

There is one particular piece of dialog in "Wo Ju" on this topic I liked a lot. In an early episode, Hai Ping (the older sister) persuades Hai Zao to stay in Jiangzhou. Hai Zao was getting disillusioned and was thinking about going home to the small city where her parents lived.

Hai Ping asks Hai Zao a series of questions like, "Does our hometown have a history museum? Does it have concerts? Does it have cafes? No! Jiangzhou has all of these things. You need to stay and make your life here!"

The funny thing is that Hai Ping had become so obsessed with saving money for her fantasy condo at this point in the show that she never saw any of these things that make Jiangzhou so great. She and her husband had resorted to eating 方便面 (instant noodles) every day in an effort to save money! This great culture that Hai Ping spoke of is completely out of their grasp.

5. The life of an 二奶 (mistress) can seem to be a realistic means of setting up a stable life for a young woman.

I may be completely off base here, but I feel as though married men, especially successful married men, having mistresses and girlfriends is more accepted in China than it is in the West. Maybe I'm just reading too much into a stupid soap opera and a few people I knew in China. This very well may be the case. This statement is an anecdotal observation of mine and I'm willing to concede that infidelity, particularly in the instance of a sugar daddy supporting a young woman, happens just as often in the West as it does in China. Either way, a lot of guys in China have girlfriends outside of their marriage.

I'm not going to get into too much detail, but the life of a sugar daddy's mistress is glamorized in the show. The woman in the show who becomes a married man's girlfriend is given a wonderful condo to live in, a BMW to drive, and a credit card with unlimited resources to go shopping with.

Some downsides to this kind of life are shown. The mistress is often lonely and wants to see the man more than she does. But overall, the show, shows a lot of the positives of being an 二奶.

6. The absence of a solid rule of law makes life in China largely based upon one's 关系 (connections).

There are several instances throughout the show where the well-connected do as they please and break laws and help those in trouble who they care about.

I could keep going. But this post is already WAY too long and I'm going to stop.

If you want to watch the show yourself, go to either Youku.com or Tudou.com or any other Chinese video site for the Chinese version. Qian and I have had better luck with the Tudou.com versions since they download faster here in America.

Also, there does appear to be a version on Youtube with English subtitles. It doesn't look like all of the episodes are there, but there is at least the first one.

For more plot summaries, media, and information on the show, you can read this great resource from Danwei.org on Wo Ju.

Obviously, I've enjoyed this show a lot. I still have a couple episodes left and am looking forward to finishing it up. I recommend it to anyone interested in China and especially to anyone who's made it this far into my post.